Where is the love?

I've been reading the messages in my FB from friends about the meltdowns that they've had...It saddens me to know/see that wives/mothers are subjected to all these ritual meltdowns......I often wondered, why in today's society, when you get married, the bond, the love, the commitment, the fun, the devotion, the friendship, the comunication and many other things that would strengthen a relationship seem to be non-existent or not that important anymore.


What change?


Is the concept of being ONE so hard to understand?

When we all took the akad/nikah vows does'nt that mean WE are now ONE and from that day onwards we have made a promise to each other and to God that WE will make that conscious effort to nourish the marriage with lots of love and build a family together. For a good life di dunia and akhirat?

In my years of growing up I've witnessed my parents arguing,buying things together,being the architects of our family home, saw them celebrate birthdays and anniversaries by buying one another nice gifts etc. I could also still remember, when I was in standard 5, my mom was crying while washing the dishes because of a fight she had with my father over our cat's poo. When I was in Form 4, as I walked with Fad to Lot 10 behind my parents, Fad went like .. "Ji, your parents still hold hands?" Yup! Even until today okay! Yeah, In today’s society where divorce and separation is all too frequent it leaves me wondering, how did they do it? How did they survive the good and bad times together yet maintain their flame for more than 30 years?

How come the friendship is still there, the love, and the passion? These days you would be lucky to get a good ten years out of a marriage. And if you're a celebrity it would be what 2 years tops? Why is it so hard to find that special someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? When you were dating, in love and can't wait to get married would’nt that be the period where you so-called have an awakening that you have indeed found your soul mate? Someone that you want to grow old with?

I guess the possible reasons why our parents', the much older generation's marriage / relationship last this long because they truly understand the concept of a marriage and they both have the drive to keep the marriage. Nowadays people use anak2 as the medium/reasons to keep the marriage. Then it would be an unhappy marriage consisting of unhappy couple with happy kids? That does not seem quite right. Looks like, it's the love and friendship after marriage that seemed to be so hard to nurture..not the kids.

My parents have always been good friends to one another and they have always been able to communicate / talk things out. And each is always ever so ready to help the other. The best is that, it's like one hand always knew what the other hand was doing. Granted that their relationship is not always smooth sailing. There were moments of petir and kilat sambar menyambar but I guess that’s when they would then learn to be more patient and understanding of each other’s ways and needs.

These days there is too much of individualism in a relationship, and that's not good. Couples are not willing to conform to the commitment of communication. Try and remember what you talked about with your loved one last night? How many words/sentences as compared to your colleagues/friends etc... I once read an article by a famous motivator about relationships.. and he asked the simplest question... does your spouse ask you “dah makan ke belum?”... if yes, how many times in a day and week.. because if it’s less than 5 times, then well sadly that is one of the signs to show that love is just slipping away each day...that he/she just do not care anymore about what's going on with you. Realistically, can a relationship blossom like that? I don't think so.

Now, apart from being ‘tortured’ by their ‘kids’ and cucus, my parents take comfort in one another and enjoy simple things like dengar lagu keroncong together before tidor, watch TV and gardening (though this activity could sometimes lead to small fights.. :))

Really, when we made that promise to be together till eternity, did’nt we actually mean it? Don’t we all long for the same kind of comfort and happiness? Don't we all want to have a trail of anak, cucu, cicit together?

My mother getting the birthday donuts ready for a suprise b'day party for my father..

The trail of cucus..

My dad blowing the candles on his 71st b'day last month...