To err is human, To forgive is divine, But to forget..that’s something else...

Dear friend,

Life is short . Why would you want to live in bitterness. It is like a poison that can shrivel your soul and can cause more pain than the original offense. Those who have wronged you will go on with their life and you will be the only one to continue to suffer. So learn to forgive, let go and move on with your life.

I understand that you don't want to forgive because then you would feel as if you are condoning/approving of what had happened. I know sometimes you just want to push the mute button and hold on to the grudges as long as you can. But really.. if you let it go, you will release yourself from the emotional rollercoaster that just negatively impacts your whole being.

Bitterness and unforgiveness hurts you more than it hurts the unforgiven one. Memang tak best kalau when you're hurting but actually macam syok sendiri nak terasa or sakit jiwa sorang2.. Often they don't even realize how they've hurt you. Yes, it’s even harder to forgive when there is no official sorry.

I guess our ability to forgive depends on the sense of responsibility for our own lives and relationships. I'm not saying that you deserve the mistreatment that makes you angry or hurt. But ultimately, the strength to forgive will more often be selfishness than anything else. It hurts too much to stay angry betul tak? and it becomes self-destructive to hold back forgiveness.

So, we forgive for the sake of love; we just sometimes get stuck on the way there. And we women sometimes would want to be stuck there as long as we could (there you are in Jakarta when everybody else is in Gaza--nih personal note--takde kena mengena..) if not for the obligations that we have to our friends/families.

But to forgive AND forget. I think that’s a myth. I think that’s just crap. So I don’t blame you for the resentment that you’re feeling right now. Maybe it’s too early of a stage for you to be forgetting. I’ve been there too. I know.. it’s an ugly place to be. The scar will always be there, but you will learn from your experience to not bring up the injury again. It is not that you have wiped it out of your memory, but that you have wiped it out of your arsenal to use as a weapon against the person that hurt you.

But of course, it also depends on the so called crime lah kan. I mean, suppose someone cheated you in a business deal and made your family suffer. Or a spouse is humping another woman. Or a drunk smashed into your car and crushed your leg. How to forgive and forget??? Not in a lifetime, man!

Okay..sorry..those are some extreme examples.

Maybe when you are a bit OK, ask yourself what you really want. Is it worth what you’re going through. Too often grudge holding leads you to bite off your nose to spite your face. Do you want to stay in this relationship or move on? Do you still feel love/connection to this person? If you do, it's time to forgive and forget. If you don't, then it's just time to pack your bags and kiddies Avent bottles, my dear.

Trusting is not easy especially if the trust has been broken before. It may take time to heal and rebuild the trust, but if you really know what you want, you’ll get through this.

As Oprah or Dr Phil as this may sound, when we forgive, it’s like we are choosing love over anger and regret. And that is truly divine.

If you can forget.. well.. that's just a bonus.. kudos to you..

p/s: I also read that when you are experiencing anger, fear, resentment, grief, or sadness - all factors of unforgiveness. Your body pumps chemicals into your system that research has shown, over time, can erode your immune system, impact your heart and blood pressure, and ACTUALLY CAUSE YOU TO GAIN WEIGHT! --- all the more reason to be forgiving, huh? ;)